I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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