i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
