Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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