He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
