question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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