He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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