I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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