I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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