I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
