She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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