my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize