I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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