The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
