Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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