I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
