R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
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I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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