i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.