I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
