so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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