I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
