i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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