home. puking in laundry basket.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
