Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
