When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
