wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
