You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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