You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
