I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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