I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
