hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
