Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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