I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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