I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
