Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
