found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
