Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
