he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.