oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
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I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
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We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?