rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
