That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.