Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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