yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
