Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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