we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
