I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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