Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
