u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
