Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
