So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
