he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
