i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
