Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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