Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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