This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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