i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
