he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
