Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
