Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I will pee on everything he values.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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