I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
