i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
