the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
