where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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