This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
