Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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