Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
