Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
