I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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