Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
