and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
please don't ironically join a cult
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